Roy Talk : DECODED!
by freya kurenai
Summary: series of oneshots. the great Roy Mustang has a few good words up his sleeves. ON BREAK.
1. Chapter 1

**freya: **hope you enjoy! first try at an FMA fic.**

* * *

**

**ROY-TALK DECODED!! OR, THE SECRET ANOMALIES OF THE EAST SQUAD**

**

* * *

Drabble # 1: "…Kewlness…"**

To say the least, it was odd.

Now that that has been said, to the point. It was down right _weird_.

So insinuatingly weird that even Hawkeye had to twitch. Several times.

It started innocently, Hughes was actually talking about something other than his little girl, not that they didn't like her, just that the man couldn't stop.

But now, he was talking about the rumor going round about new dress codes for the officers. Maybe a new look, even. Something cool, like black.

"Well, I think that's enough gossip for a day! What do you think, Roy? Elysia's waiting for Daddy, I better get home soon! I'm coming my sweet little angel!"

And bye-bye went the slightly insane, happy man.

Now, Roy had excuses for not listening, and this time, it was a dog.

Hughes had brought him in, with a flourish of his arm and a start of a wave of gossip.

They paid no mind to the dog that currently sat on Roy's table, nor did they pay any attention to what the Taisa was doing.

It was only when Hughes had left that the dog actually barked a couple of times, and Hawkeye had made the mistake of actually looking and actually listening to the Colonel saying-

"…Kewlness."

Everything stopped at that moment.

The way he said it wasn't normal. It was drawling, and they knew it wouldn't have been spelled right, had it been written down. Nope, it was out and out weird.

Whether it was that childish look of curiosity mingled with amazement on Roy's face, or the boyish way he was staring at the dog who was on a level with his eyes, or the grand absurdity of it all- no one knew what prompted Riza to inquire…

"Come again, sir?"

Roy looked up, childish spell still unbroken, and with a pout he replied.

"Kewlness."

The dog barked its affirmation.

Kewlness indeed.

* * *

First in a series! Coz I woke up one night with a piece of paper and a pen, and because of Kazuya Arsashi.

I'll laugh at flames but I like CC. won't you give me some??? I'm a poor little puppy, cold and hungry for CC's. (puppy eyes) pwease?


	2. Chapter 2

**Freya: **hey all… wow, I didn't think people would like Roy Talk that much… but, thanks for reviewing! 6 in one drabble. That says a lot about ETC's sense of humor.

Anyway, here's the next drabble.

**

* * *

ROY TALK : DECODED!! OR, THE SECRET ANOMALIES OF THE EAST SQUAD****

* * *

Drabble # 2: "…Bye-bye…"**

Edward Elric was fuming by the time he and his superior (_stupid,grumblebrumble_), Roy Mustang, had finished their usual spat over the boy's height.

The onyx eyed officer smirked. "Tired, Edward? Maybe you should go home and rest…"

There was an underlying teasing there, but Ed decided to ignore it and slammed his hands down on the table (again).

"Fine."

He seemed satisfied with that, actually feeling tired. He gathered up his cloak, heading towards the door.

Roy had returned to his paper work, paying attention to his signature for once. Though, as Ed stalked out of the office with his usual "See ya Bastard!", something strange happened.

Roy actually replied.

"…bye-bye…"

Ever heard a 4-year-old say bye-bye to his parents?

Edward looked. Roy was still bent over his files, serious and concentrated.

_Nah, it couldn't be._

He turned back to the door and just as he was sure he would no longer hear that odd,odd noise-

"…bye-bye Ed…"

Before the blonde could look, the door was slammed into his face and there was a click. Ed swore.

Inside, Hawkeye looked disapprovingly at her commanding officer.

"Sir, that really wasn't necessary."

Roy looked up with a small pout.

"But I just said 'bye-bye'…"

Riza twitched. She made a mental note never to let her commanding officer refuse his morning cup of coffee. Ever. Forever. **Never**.

* * *

Freya: I liked this one… it honestly sounds better if you could get a kind to say it for you. It sounds so cute! Hope you like this one folks 


	3. Chapter 3

Freya : gladly shall I continue, my faithful reviewers! I'm glad that you all liked the last two drabbles… so here's the third! Now, this one isn't a word, but it's a Roy-thing we'd all love to see more of…

**

* * *

ROY TALK : DECODED!! OR, THE SECRET ANOMALIES OF THE EAST SQUAD****

* * *

Drabble # 3: Excuses, Excuses**

Roy Mustang hurriedly opened the door to his office, looking distinctly disheveled. His usually tidy uniform was somewhat crumpled, and the gloves on his hands looked oddly misplaced with each other. His hair was even more untidy that day, and his face looked drawn out and tired.

His whole office looked on, along with his First Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye. She shook her head.

"Sir, you're late. Again."

"Yes, yes. I apologize."

"…Would you mind telling us _why _you were late?" _Another lame excuse, I guess_- she thought.

Roy, who had sat down on his chair, suddenly blanched and threw himself on his desk.

"…Sir?"

"I…I… I'm late because…"

"Yes?"

…

"I ran over a goat!" with that, the Taisa began to sob uncontrollably on his paperwork.

Riza raised an eyebrow, skeptically eyeing her commanding officer. The whole office looked on, wondering what the noise was all about.

"Sir, there are no goats in our jurisdiction."

A pause.

"That's it! I ran over them all!!"

And the bawling got worse.

* * *

Freya: me and Kaz **love **this one. Please, leave a review. Flames will make my chips turn into broccoli monsters but your CC will make the anti-venom for the bite of the Black Mamba!

You decide.


	4. Chapter 4

Freya: uhm, this next drabble is late and not to supposed to be here because:

a) I was typing up Aegis-stuff last time I went to the computer so I couldn't type this one.

b) this was supposed to be later, but since I don't have the little notepad with me, it comes first.

Uhn, disclaimer: (I will only tell you this once.) I DO NOT OWN FMA. I don't claim to own it, thus, I _disclaim _it. Got it? Good. You may now proceed to read the drabble.

**

* * *

ROY TALK: DECODED!! OR, THE SECRET ANOMALIES OF THE EAST SQUAD****

* * *

Drabble # 4: The Snow Globe**

Roy Mustang enjoyed the days when he could just sit back in his chair after a hard day's (honest) work and open the bottom left drawer of his desk.

The others would be too busy, or on their breaks, so he didn't have to worry about who saw him.

Plus, he was done with his paperwork.

He smiled.

In his hand, was a small snow globe.

Inside the snow globe was a small plastic figurine- of a silverhaired male (who strangely had one wing) with a small blue alien-dog. The plastic male was hugging the alien-dog, with a somewhat sappy grin on his face.

Little snowflakes the shape of weapons (i.e. guns, daggers, laserguns,etc.) floated around the pair, and the silver writing on the red stand of the snow globe read:

"And together they destroyed the Planet."

The Taisa smiled, shaking the small 'world' and watching the little 'snowflakes' flit around.

He frowned as he heard footsteps from the hallway. Lunch had just started, what were they doing back so early?

The door opened, to reveal a certain blonde alchemist. Gold eyes looked up, and seemingly nonplussed by the scene (really, was it everyday you got to see your superior with a kid's toy?), the boy closed the door and walked to stand in front of the Taisa.

"Riza said you finished your paperwork early." Ed stated.

The black haired male nodded, and fixed a serious gaze unto the older Elric.

"Well? Our deal?"

Ed sighed, and from his coat produced a small snow globe.

A snowman with a bomb for a head and rifles for arms stood in the middle of the snow globe, while his smiling snow-head and branch arms floated quietly around him. On the stand, in silver writing, were the words:

"Hug me! I'm a fun snow man!"

Ed sighed again, watching rather reluctantly as his superior (his _superior!!!_) shook the two snow globes in perfect synchronization.

"Look Edward! Isn't this f-"

Before the older, higher ranking male had a chance to finish his statement, Ed had already slammed the door close.

_Honestly_, the blonde alchemist thought,_ I will never again make a bet with that snow globe obsessed man! How could I have known that he'd finish his paperwork for a stupid kid's snowglobe?!_

Edward Elric grumbled again, and stomped his way out of the building.

_Dammit!_

Inside, Roy Mustang was enjoying his time with the latest addition to his collection of oddly made and slightly morbid/vindictive snow globes.

On the pad next to his completed paperwork, the following was written:

Total Number of Snow Globes : 547

* * *

Freya??? well? CC will make the other reviews happier, seeing as how they will have a new review to be with, and Flames will make them cry.

You decide.


	5. Chapter 5

Freya: hiyah all. Uhm, sorry for the lateness, and most probably stupidity of this drabble, but bear with me. It is almost time for me to go back to school, and slack off, so I might not be able to update as much. The idea for Roy Talk are still flowing, and hopefully you guys won't get mad at me. To all those who reviewed, thanks. I appreciate it.

**

* * *

****ROY TALK DECODED!! OR, THE SECRET ANOMALIES OF THE EAST SQUAD

* * *

**

**Drabble # 5: Dummy Lovin'**

Edward Elric glared and crossed his arms in front of _him_. His golden orbs were directed at _him_, boring a hole in to _his_ face.

"You think you're _so_ great, don't you?"

Silence.

"Yeah, I bet you do."

Silence.

"You think just because you're a higher-up, and the fact that you are taller than me gives you the right to insult me like that!"

Silence.

"Call me a shrimp why don't cha!"

Silence.

"Oh that's it."

SQUEAK!

"I hate you!"

PWEEE!

"I hate you I hate you I hate you!"

BUJUUU!

"You're a goddamn bastard!"

RRRRRIIIPPPP

"Fuck!"

PWEEEEEE!!! RRRRRIIPPP

"Annoying!"

SQUEAK!

"Egotistical!"

BUJUUU!!

"Degenerative!"

-the sound of something being torn-

"Self-centered!"

OOOMMMFFFF!

"Cowardly!"

SQUEAK!

"Green minded!"

RRRIIIIPPPP

"Perverted!"

RRRRIIIIPPP

"Impractical!"

WIIPPUUU…

"JERK!"

And the doll that once resembled the Taisa of the East Squad, Flame Alchemist Roy Mustang, the doll that made weird sqeaky-bujuu-pwee-wipuu noises because of his lack of knowledge of the sounds that dolls made, was flung to the trash bin sitting at the corner, left only with shreds of his blue uniform and a patch of black hair, along with a single black-bead eye.

The blonde Alchemist smiled triumphantly. He had to thank Mustang for this, since it was the man himself who advised him to find a way to relieve himself of pent up stress without causing any actual damage to the property of the State.

The grin on his face widened. Ah, it felt great!

He really had to thank the Taisa.

Edward threw his head back and laughed… laughed… laughed…

In the east Head Quarters, Roy shivered and subconsciously drew his hand close to his left eye. He had the weirdest feeling…

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

* * *

Freya: yep, I know. Crack, ain't it? Be nice and sugar coat your Flames. Or, if your nice enough to give a sweet review, I give you the original Roy doll. Complete with sqeaky-bujuu-pwee-wipuu noises!!! XDDD 

Roy-doll: BUJUUU!!!


	6. author's note

To my dearest readers:

Hey guys, Freya Kurenai here! Sorry about the long breaks between the updates. Have I mentioned I'm in my Junior year in highschool already? Here in the Philippines, I'm in 3rd year…

I've also got some other news. I have become –dun,dun,DUN!- studious. Currently, I have no urgent homeworks to do, except for the projects in our English and Computer class.

Where am I playing at, you ask? Don't worry, I won't bore you with details of my school life any longer. The message I've come to give you today may shock and probably disappoint most of you.

…

I'm putting Spiral 2 : Chain of Fate, Silently Loving You, Soft Notes and Roy Talk :DECODED!! On hold.

I know you guys disagree with this, and I don't expect you guys to hear me out. The fics will be set as "Complete" for the time being, and if ever I do finish a chapter for any of them, be assured that I will post it. I am not totally quitting, and neither is Kazuya, but we both have too much on our plates at the time being.

Hopefully, you guys will understand.

Sincerely,

Freya Kurenai.


End file.
